Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush toilets, he scares the shit out of them.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendents are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattle snake died.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

All species are endangered. There’s just a long list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris swims across the Pacific, sharks hear the theme from Jaws.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris has the only hands that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris never loses weight. He knows exactly where it is.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris got a home run in bowling.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can install a program without accepting the terms & conditions.

The Chuck Norris-themed toilet prototype failed. It wouldn't take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

If Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you won't live.

When cops pull Chuck Norris over, they try to talk their way out of it.

Don't google Chuck Norris. He will find you.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.